In Silent Unspeakable Memories

by I.Khan

In Silent Unspeakable Memories cover art
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1.
02:09
lyrics
2.
02:51
lyrics
3.
04:58
lyrics
4.
03:17
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5.
04:48
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6.
03:57
lyrics
7.
04:11
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8.
03:08
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9.
02:49
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10.
05:20
lyrics

credits

released 15 March 2011

tags

tags: hip hop hip hop/rap rap canada khan ontario singer-songwriter Toronto

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Track Name: Unspeakable
“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest in each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other, in silent unspeakable memories.” (-George Eliot)

I was born the day before April Fool’s
So I’m afraid every day of my life’s setting me up for deception
At night, sitting up with the question
Am I willing to fight till there’s nothing that’s left in me
For this life that I love and accepted
Wondering what I’d risk might I trust in this investment
So sit tight, as I discuss the depression’s that crept in
Since I took my bro’s throne when he left it
On the fourth of June, like Emmanuel in 1802
Left alone and I’m desperate
Waiting to go through to do my best with this blessing
My weapon of choice, my voice, meshed in
With a point and a message, etched in to destroy
The aggression and rage, replace them with a joyous affection,
Escape into the noise in the session, employ all the lessons
And say farewell to these boisterous ways...
But as I fly towards the sun with these wings made of wax
I fear I’ll fall in the sea, too winded to make it back
Stuck in this labyrinth, in the mirror’s a minotaur
It appears that I’ve been at war with myself since I was born
But I don’t believe that dreams should be ignored
So I keep flying till I’m so high I can’t see the floor
Pay no mind to the sharks, I’ll swim till I reach the shore
Even while I’m sleeping I’ll walk till my feet are sore
No cost’s too steep for your happiness. They ask me if I’m ready
I reply, of course, what do you think that I mean
Choosing between harsh realities or living my dreams
Well, let me think...I’m finished, let’s see
I choose the latter ‘cause I know every minute I breathe
is sixty seconds less I have left ticking in me
See, I lost my only sibling but found him living through me
Now don’t put me limits on me cause I’ll just lift them and flee.
Listen to me...

Words can’t describe how it feels.
Unspeakable today.
Track Name: To Be Alone
V1:
Freezing cold, he shudders all the time
Feels like closing the shutters and the blinds
See him holding the covers on him tight
No lover to call at night to keep from falling
Eyes wide shut and keeping the song alive
Trusts it’ll keep him from dreaming of homicide
Lies that we tell
To comply with ourselves.
With a bible in his hands and a rifle in the pants
tucked in. Left on the night stand is five grand
Resting next to his life plans, stuck between
A bright lamp and the darkness of his reckless thoughts
But he’s harmless and knows when he’s alone in his broken home
He’s got no one to hold him and so he’s his own worst enemy
But he’s all he’s got left to protect him – solo.

V2:
Solitude was her companion
Saw the truth and learned to grab it
All the dudes took her for granted
Felt cursed, abandoned. Her personal bandage was
The warm hands of seclusion that held her
And helped her more than the food and the shelter
Wasn’t sure who fell first
But the man she met and married went to tell her,

“I don’t know how much more
of this pain I can take
As the seconds and minutes
keep ticking away.”

Chorus (x2)

Every time I think of you
I just don’t know what to do
And when I go to sleep at night
I regret those times we used to fight
And after all is said and done
I realize you were the one.

Before she passed, she helped him achieve some peace
And a night that would grant him a dreamless sleep.
Track Name: Stars
V1:
These steps that we take get you vexed and irate
You took it to the gate 'cause you said that I'm fake
Relationship breaks and it takes so much out of me it makes it so hard to breathe...
Or move but you leave me no choice but to feed you my voice
So I'll leave you some noise and grieve, as we expose how you let go
Released me, but it's easy 'cause we always repeat over again
I just hope that you send a note to a friend 'cause you wrote about ten
Forgive me but listen to me your game's predictable
First we get to kissin', and then we get to dissin’ and then you get defensive
And go for a long walk, why don't we just talk? Whatever you want
Abusing the music, use it to loosen up a little bit
You and your ridiculous predicaments, i'm sick of it
Raising the flag and taking a stand against all of these half mast faking attempts
At making amends, it's safe to ascend to a higher level now
I know it's inevitable for the kettle to steam when the water boils
But we might as well let it instead of letting it spoil
The chance to be free, dance with me please
Actually the kettle's ready - fancy some tea?
Don't shed a tear, I know how you feel
The fear is too strong to hold on to the wheel
Don't sleep now, the water can get deep...down
The pain is just dangerous and overwhelming
Selling a piece of my soul whenever you go
It's just a phase though, 'cause it goes to show
No matter how much we fight, we keep returning
And get more opportunities for learning.

Chorus:
This is for the lost and lonely hearts/ones
Seeking an escape, your time will come.
This is for the hope that you'll return,
Looking at the stars with me tonight.

V2:
Feeling the lonesome and cold of the night
Chasing the shelter of shade in the day got us scolding the light
Come on now, get down to the rhythm and listen to incite
Freed from intricacies, no need for penalties
I'm shivering to feel the warmth of the meaning you bring me
I don't want much, a soft touch, natural healing - nothing could match this feeling
The illusion of moving the soul with melody
Removing the stress using some hope with you telling me
That love was the result of our flings
So please refrain from playing with my heartstrings
Though many will come, many will run, a penny was spun
I bet on heads and won like gambling bums handling funds
But that's not an issue because I'm working for your love 'hon
So let's run.

Chorus (x4)

V3:
Honest this time, I promise I'll try
To be kind and find the silver lining in the sky
Used to say jokes but no, this ain't a hoax I go
Up way above, elevation is a must
They all stand tall small talk wanting to brawl
But when we get involved they all stall and fall
Together we stand strong, last long through the Fall
Winter, Spring, Summer and other changes in the year
Kinda crazy but I can't let fear faze me
Looking at the stars tonight, it's like life lights
Up the caliginous, sacred like the holy grail
Bringing us together, our patience is our only veil
And we're better whenever we argue
It's hard to be calm, but are you ready to come back?
It's true, you're from Venus and I'm from Mars
But we're both reunited when we're looking at the stars.
Track Name: Fairweather
Chorus:
Bleeding and wheezing and coughing on the floor
You left me all alone so now don't come knocking on my door
When the sun goes down tonight you won't be by my side
So farewell, my fairweather friend.

V1:
It's unbelievable how people will change
Like the seasons through the regions each day
Plant a seed, your tree will sway on the beaches til it's eaten
by the leeches and decays. It's so easy in the day
But the moon reveals the sneakiest of ways
Creeping in at bay, they greet you when you're paid
But leave you when you're craving an aid, feeling the pain
It's simple and plain, it's really a shame, when the only reason they stay
Stems from selfish incentives essentially sent just to get
A little piece of the cake--they eat it then fade
Into obscurity when you need them ‘cause they breed in the day
But in the night they feed on the prey and leave you to break
Like leaves when they change colours before they fall and
The better you're doing the more they call but
When you're down they're gone like when the sound is off and
If you see them in summer don't expect them to be there in autumn.

V2:
I have swallowed my pride and silenced my excuses
Followed your trail of lies just to find out where the truth is
‘Cause any argument would harm us and I’m targeting
Solutions we can harness, you know the market we usually
Use to barter for compromise, but it's harder
When we can't lock our eyes and if you want to monopolize the pride
Then I'll supply the proper time for you to spend on
until the cost declines. You crossed the line but I’m intent on
Clearing the air to ensure I'm not there for you to step on
I'm using truth as a weapon, with or without harsh intentions
‘Cause blunt words have the sharpest edges
It gets much worse when you start confessing
And then your tongue hurts from picking apart the messes
I guess for us we're at the start of our ending
‘Cause when the thunder and rain hits, you're running away quick
When you want to be saved, I'll have nothing to say. Shh...

Chorus

Bridge:
when the sun sets in the west
they will travel to the east
see, the truth lies in the moonlight
where are they when you're in need

will they be there in the end
it depends on where and when
they'll appear when skies are clear
fleeting fairweather friends.

Chorus (x3)
Track Name: Quicksilver in the Hand
V1:
Set in the exodus of ringtones and messages
Texting your ex’s and you said that it was just a kiss
Messing with my head again, I’m wrestling with everything
I’ve been infected and I’m getting in a wreck--it’s hectic, quick
This chemistry better be left in the dust
If you’re clutched I’ll develop a lust
For your elegant touch that makes the fellas erupt
Letting down my defenses once got my head in a rut
Not that I’m celibate, hon. Just not ready for the drug
That’s injected in the blood when you’re bitten by that bug
I’ve really had enough, just kicked the habit
From that chemical bond that turns us into addicts
So, like a star I'll adore you from afar
Cause the closer that we are the more it hurts to be apart
And since it's just human nature
To give and burn, live and learn and do it later
Best friends can then turn to strangers
Situation stranger hence the danger
We sense when the line is drawn between
Hiding in quarantine and finding a floor to clean
I’m blinded by all I see, trying to cop a plea
But dying cause part of me is finding it hard to flee
Cause you, distinctively sing to me
Your symphony in sync with the imprint of peace
You ink on me, a tatted disease
That poisonous bite might bring a man to his knees
See I’m supposed to skate on that frozen lake
But when you’re close it breaks, and then I float away
So, no more rehearsals and running in circles
It’s time we decided to live in the real world
Come here girl, you can be the moth for a change
And I’ll be the flame that ignites your fall from grace.

Chorus:
It’s so innocent in the beginning, but it’s a sham
Got you spinning the cylinder willing to kill a man
But will it last? Building pillars in the sand
It’s love...quicksilver in the hand.

V2:
She made it hard to speak so I listened to my heartbeat
Steadily increase in speed, as my heart reached
Out to this girl, standing at the doorway
Destination undetermined--should we go or should we stay?
She said, “I don’t want to go, don’t leave me alone”
Didn’t want to let her go, so I followed my instincts
Even though she was constantly dropping me big hints
She was just another insecure teen, but she
Got me addicted to her like she was made of nicotine
Then it seemed like in a flash of light
We were inseparable, impeccable
And best of all we’d catch our falls when we’d slip
But the greater the love the greater the loss
We played a lot of games but it came at a cost
At the pinnacle of our relationship we came to split
The love bug came and bit, and made us sick
Guess I shouldn’t have been closing my hand
Love scarred us then darted away and broke all our plans
A moment that scammed both of us and slowly had snapped
A photo of past romance on our souls as we danced
The daylight doesn’t belong in the night time
And even though we know we still need something to believe in
Cause like fine wine, true love lasts a lifetime
But summer love doesn’t function in other seasons.

Chorus

V3:
I’ll stop to smell the flowers but I also want to plant some
Romance some ladies and maybe get them to dance, jump
Hands up, this feeling I’m really glad to have but
Only cause the door to my inhibitions you slammed shut
We went the distance, she twirled my existence
Into another world--shipwrecked, I’ve been swept
Away by a princess, inflicted with pain
Injection’s infection’s affecting my brain
What a mystical game, this four letter word
A horrible curse that makes a prison look tame
But I’m on this detour, might as well enjoy the scenery
Gonna be with you, whether or not you wanna be with me
Either we turn back…or see where this road leads
Leave the Garden of Eden or see it and grow trees
Cause now it’s caught up in my flesh and it’s got me
Bothered and pondering questions like, should I honour
The affections by calling her hollering at her or
Should I exit? Might want to invest in psychiatric help
Caught her for a while to flirt
Losing my strength as I think of a line to spurt
Using a pen and it’s ink just to try and learn
If she’s a friend or a fling cause the lines are blurred
Crawling in my subconscious, contents are haunting
Launching thoughts of carnage consequently causing
Apocalyptic thoughts in the mind
We try to agree but can’t keep composure
We lie when we scream it's over, bleeding soldiers
In a war that gets colder, seeking closure...
Then the downward spiral begins
And the sounds of the sirens start firing in
Consequences of admiring sin, decided to blend
my crying within with a silent grin. See I admit, it’s...

Chorus
Track Name: Whispers
V1:
Hop into the car and over to the hospital
I'm walking through the halls and i stop to get a card
But you'd probably only get more confused
So i pour some booze to distort the truth
And continue over to you, stop & stare at your rocking chair
Wondering if they're giving you proper care when i'm not in here
Slipping you Ebixa to slow your sorrow
But what good is a cork to a broken bottle?

There's a hopeless place inside my heart
When iI look inside, I see where we are

V2:
But i will stay by your bedside
As long as it takes, I'll wait for you this time
Rest my dear broken record player
Any hope left has been spoken in a prayer
Just to cope with seeing you frozen in that chair
Staring out the window with such little focus in your glare
Got me choking up, when i approach and you get scared
My only love, how could we be close for all those years
Then grow old and open fears that i told you
I would always keep you safe from
Now I'm the one you want to stay away from
There, there, it'll be fine...
Is the lie that I tell myself to keep my
Mind state sane safe and sedated
Wait, it's just time playing tricks on us
Your mind, I can fix it just let me at your heart
I will free you from this prison it's the key to unlock your cell, your walking hell...
I believe our talks can help
More than the docs can tell. I know you're not so well But check your pocket, there's a locket that I gave to you
Thirty years ago and remember I would say to you
When we're very old let these photos show
That you can peer into our very souls
And know the only road we ever drove on was
Paved with hope and growth and not
Laced with broken stones and open holes
But whether or not I stay, I know you cope alone
Broken spokes on a bitter ride, a choke hold on a crippled mind
As you blink your wide eyes to communicate
Open close, live or die, almost like you're
Symbolizing the simplified life you're doomed to hate
All of a sudden, things slow down
Time is up, my love, gotta go now
But just as I go to bid my retreat
Like the wind hitting the trees, you whisper to me and say...

There's a whispering wind, i feel it inside
Like a place i can feel but never will see
Let a whisper come touch you, come touch everything
I stand in the way of the things i can be

Do you remember my face
Or am I just another stick in your river
Can you remember those days
Or are they just some more debris in your twister
Swimming in a sea, almost at shore
Suddenly, you're not even close
Give us a moment, one moment together
One final gasp of air before being drowned forever...
One final gasp of air.
Track Name: Rest
V1:
Tempers flare in the winter air
So cold as I grow old in despair
You were there, now you’re not. Disappeared and I’m lost
You appear only in my nightmares ‘cause you’re gone
Sitting in your chair holding tissues wishing you were here
As I write this, I’m thinking that you’re there
On a night just like this on the other side
Writing to me, whisper in my ear if you can hear me
Missing you so dearly but visiting you yearly’s ridiculous
I’m thinking, “is this supposed to cheer me up?”
Tearing up, pouring beer in a cup
And for what? So I can be numb? See I’m stuck
‘Cause I’d rather feel the pain than forget you
Maybe I’ll stay to say what I didn’t get to
I want to cherish every memory from the day that I met you
To the day that I let you go.

Chorus:
Rest now, my dearest friend.
One day we’ll meet again.
Rest now and lay your head
To the Earth and I’ll see you in the end.

And all that we have done.
And all that could have been.
Our story will pick up where it left off
When we meet again.

V2:
Hearing angry parents express their stress with
Death threats and talk of debts met with bills
That interfere with matters that truly matter in here
Like why we were sitting there just listening at the stairs
Hearing every argument topic from business to affairs
When you held me near to help me from the fear
Now, all I ever hear are the dripping of their tears
Life is hard and I don’t want to keep on living it in fear
I’m beginning to look more like you every year
It’s almost like I can catch a glimpse of you in the mirror
The image is crystal clear, so vivid as if you’re here
But just as soon as you’re there, I move and you disappear
I lose you and it’s unfair -- illusions I grin and bear
All alone (like) on the phone, who is it that I hear?
I wonder if these wounds will soon repair
But until then, these illusions are my souvenirs.

Chorus

V3:
Riding in the hearse with you...
Sitting beside each other for the final time and it hurts
But you always told me to stay strong so I remain calm
As the rainfall symbolizes change
Just a minor pain...
‘til it increases with each step creeping until I’m freezing cold
As roses are being thrown and the priest is holding me
I see some folks just reach for phones and speak in tones with humour
Then it hits me...the world’s already moved on
Sympathetic, yes, but yet it doesn’t stop for too long
Like audiences who listen then it's off to a new song
From the twilight skyline emerges a new dawn
‘Cause with a loss, only you can feel the pain
On a sunny day, only you can see the rain
This is my letter to heaven in a song
To say we’re not together but not apart ‘cause you’re forever in our hearts.

Chorus (x3)
Track Name: A Drowning (Memory Loss)
It’s the glare from the reflection
Making patterns in your eyes
It’s the looking back in anger
With every second passing by

Please, I don’t think I can
Save myself. I’m drowning here.
Please, anyone, I don’t think I can
Save myself. I’m drowning here.

I'm looking through old photographs
Knowing that I don't hold a chance
Cause moments approach, then they pass
Into memories but they never seem to last
I'm hopeless and I'm so cold that I can't
Face the winter alone so I shiver
Closing my eyes so that I can remember
But i know you're not just gone till November
You will never be back, my tether
My everything my better half
Hard to cut the rope and sever that
Bond we planned to have forever, sad
I can rekindle the flame momentarily
And revisit the day that you stared at me
Told me we would never be apart
And you were right, you will never leave my heart
But the imprint of faces is lifted with age
And the distance we’ve made makes we wish
I had taped everyday but it's just too late
Time goes on and I guess it's fate
But if I could go back I'd get an audio or
Video recording and listen to you warm me
Up with your voice or the image of you
But I have no choice cause I've got so much living to do
So I spend my days time traveling
Stuck in today but I'm battling
To go back, but I know that
Too many new clothes are thrown on my coat rack
Now I want those days back
Fearing you'll become a needle in a haystack
My mind's a faucet and I lose you with every drop
I'm cursed trying to reverse this memory loss.

Starting to forget your face lately
I'm trying to block out new memories to retain it.
Track Name: Delivering a Stillborn
They got their eyebrows raised like 'why you wearing your shades?"
'Cause I don't always feel like sharing my pain
See the peril in my pupils, I’m embarrassed to say
That I’m a pupil who’s been careless and scared, hysterical lately
I’ve been staring and gazing at my parents and praying
they don't go, oh no I’m very afraid
Might be morbid but I’m more aware we could perish today
than before
And I’m just hoping that it’s not in the cards
But there’s a hole in my heart looking like the Barringer crater
'Cause this marriage was made worse since the start. It’s becoming apparent it’s up to me to take care of them
When I inherit their places but I can't carry the weight with this hobby of mine
Either get a job or get signed
'Cause to save them I got to get by
My insecurities buried deep beneath the surface
That worry me, surely keeping secrets hurts us
Eternity’s just a thought to keep us comforted
We know we'll fall eventually but still we keep on jumping in
Conjunctivitis from straining my eyes too much
Trying to see my future life and such
Standing in the spotlight, the surrounding darkness
Hiding a sea of people just hearing the sounds sparks the
Fire in my heart, the desire to embark
On a journey as I’m learning how to climb up to the top
But this whole schooling thing is really bringing me down
My solution was quit, go and sing to the town
But as soon as I get up and get to the crowd
I peruse statistics and fall sick to the ground
But these brooding instincts keep on sitting me down
My astute linguistics keep me feeling the sound
"It's not too realistic, u should stick to the ground
Don't want to do some distance then put your kicks in your mouth"
Well I'm thinking its now or never at all swinging is the pendulum
Stealing my soul so I'm stone stepping thru the trenches
Soaking wet a broken leg alone resting on the precipice
Ready to erupt like krakatoa, a chance to blow up
Intravenously feeding this fetus with dreams of achievement
I’m feeling defeated cause it doesn’t seem to be breathing
Inhibiting the pain in pill form lately
Afraid I’m delivering a stillborn baby.

Chorus:
When everything starts crumbling down
Hold on to what you love before you drown
1000 watts of light on your face
What happens when all is dark

Amazed at just how quickly time has passed
Afraid of one day wishing to go back
When everybody's looking at you
But you can't look at yourself.
Track Name: Changing Sky
Chorus:
I'm afraid to fall asleep through the night
'Cause when I wake, I know I'll see
The Changing Sky

V1:
I'm finding myself lost, entering an exit
Finally signing off, attempting to get this
Head trip to stop, rendering me restless
Relentlessly trying to find the strength to move on
Hate to admit it, but wait a minute
I got to get up out of here to get a greater vision
And I’m shifting the gears I’ve driven in for years
And killing my fears to look at the man in the mirror
And appear clear. We’re here at the ending of a segment
Not thinking of a heaven or a hell for a minute
Staring at the ticking of a clock, sinking
Into my thoughts cause I’m scared of living
Given the fact that I want to backtrack
To the past but I can’t so I have to adapt
To a land that forces me to switch dreams
mid-stream
Scouring around for get rich quick schemes
Stayed awake and played late till daybreak
Now we've got to break away and change lanes
And vacate the area, take aim and bury the
Same ways that carried us down this old road
Holding this moment, as long as we can
Until it’s gone and we've got to move on and plan
Used to have the time, now it’s hard to find
Leaning my shoulders on the world now the world’s on mine
Time flies by, get your seat belt fastened
And watch the leaves fall as the season passes
'Cause now I’ve been summoned and I’m becoming the tree
To call off the leaves to fall off of me
Offset the synthesis with simple principals
Bloom from the cocoon in life’s chrysalis
I don’t want to withdraw all I deposit
Running on stop signs, exercising caution
Chased a dream and tied my shoes
Learned to face defeat cause I might lose
When everything was new and unused
Now it’s a bike to a car, kite to a star
Memories juxtaposed with colours of change
Played too many games now I’m stuck in the maze
Stay or escape, it’s one and the same
No matter what, coming of age means running away.

[Chorus]

Why do these walls keep closing
I'm blinded by the light
Within these halls I want to spread my wings and fly
Got to get out to get in and leave this place behind
But I'm afraid when I wake, I'll see the Changing Sky

Outro:
What seemed to take so long
Has flashed before my eyes
And now that it’s all gone
I don’t want to say goodbye
I will lay my head and fall asleep tonight
And when I wake, I will see
The changing sky.